i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
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