I'm so fucking centered right now
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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