if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
We have started to decorate penises.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
