I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Help me help you realize you are a moron
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
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