Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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