I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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