All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
