and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Randomize
