she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Randomize
