dude i'm inner monologue high
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
