i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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