Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
