oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Randomize
