I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
No I am not eating basil off your cock
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
