i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Randomize
