my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
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