I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
