New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
