Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
...so i touched it.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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