umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Randomize
