Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
