we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
