I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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