Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
Randomize
