I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
