people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
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