I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Randomize
