omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
handjob tips. give me some.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
We were destined to go to rehab together
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
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