Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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