wakey wakey hands off snakey
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
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