I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Randomize
