My liver just broke up with me...
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
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