Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
