yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Why did my mother make you get naked?
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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