were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
