they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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