I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Randomize
