I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Randomize
