I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Randomize
