plz talk dirty to me
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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