I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
How external is "for external use only"?
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
well, you know. whores of a feather.
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