Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
