yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
