I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
