So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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