it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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