HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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