Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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