I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
he was CRYING into my vagina
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
