Heybabeimwearingurpanties
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
You took a bar mat shot.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
