we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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