I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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