Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
